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Gifts from some of my dA-Friends || The Doctor Who-universe role play



Okay...
So I got my ass up and forced myself to write a journal, mostly to say SORRY to all of my friends for I'm writing and drawing almost nothing here at the moment.
I really, really try to, but currently everything's so fucking difficult for me - Apparently too difficult to do it alone I guess.

I mean, I always had problems with getting to know people and getting something 'started' for I am more than just extremely shy. No need to get into detail here, but fact is, I can be strong, silly and even fighting for everyone - except myself.
I am so trapped inside myself, that I am not even able to do a simple request or be the first one to open a stupid little topic here on fokken DA.

I for example wanted to start a story/fan-fiction with ~TheApprentice225 but know what? We just can't get started because I do not dare to simply tell him what I'd like to write about...
(And this after we know each other for 4 years now, and both of us sharing many fanoms... -_-)

I also love role playing, for it's one of the few ways for someone like me to express myself, but I can't manage to get in touch with new RP-groups because I do not dare to simply say "Hello".

I can't even talk to people (In RL as well as on the I-Net) with common interests because I'm unable to do a first contact...

That's what makes me appear like I wasn't interested in others, what makes me look like I was retarded or lethargic, and sometimes all I can hope for is someone by chance passing by and recognizing my similar interests.
For I don't have these problems if others talk to me first, but my own lack of ability to establish contacts sorta breaks my heart.

I have tons of pics on my PC but I just don't dare to upload them.
The same goes for my currenf fan-fictions. (Even though most of them suck anyway, for I only work best, when having someone else to write and share ideas with.)

I really don't know how to continnue working on my stuff right now.
I mean, it's not like I was afraid someone might dislike my stuff, it's more like simply being unable to become 'the active part' again without any assistance or so.
Being impaired when it somes to showing initiative sucks so much, because I actually WANT to, but still seem to be too incapable to do this all alone -_-

I know, that's a crappy explanation, but I tried to keep it short and simple.
But most of all, I simply wanted to explain WHY I'm so crappy @ work and feeling so bad at the moment, because it has nothing to do with lack of interest, rather with lack of courage to do it all alone I guess.
So please don't be angry with me for being reclusive, I just don't know what to do at the moment.



_{Everyone knows that everyone dies.
And nobody knows it like the doctor.
But I do think that all the skies in all the worlds might just turn dark, if he ever accepts it
(River Song)}


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